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April Announcements

April 2, 2006

ITEM: THE DYNAMIC RETURN OF CRAIG ELKINS

After a lengthy absence from the music scene, Craig Elkins, former lead-singer and songwriter of Huffamoose, has a new band, new city, and a new sound. Be sure to check out his no-frills Website and sample some of the great tunes from his newest release, A FINAL BLAZE OF GLORY. LA music fans should make plans to see Craig's live debut, Saturday April 29 at Genghis Cohen. Welcome back, Craig, and welcome to the west coast.

ITEM: MORE NEW ITEMS ON POP THOUGHT

The most recent Pop Thought WIDE AWAKE column features a review of Vincent Zurzolo's Comic Zone. Click HERE for the review as well as the archives.

ITEM: ALTERCATIONS UPDATE NO. 8,721

Here's the latest news on ALTERCATIONS. Chapters 1 through 6 are completely done. These chapters have all been relettered and refinished. Chapter 7 has been colored and will soon be scripted. Chapter 8 is being colored. Chapter 9 is done but needs to be scripted. Chapter 10 is done but for 3 pages; it, too, needs to be scripted. My projection is to complete the rest of the work by month's end. We'll see.

ITEM: FUTURE PROJECTS

Last month I completed breakdowns and first draft on an as-yet unnamed 72-page graphic novel. I also began breakdowns on a new project of undetermined length entitled Ground Zero which, I can assure you, has nothing to do with the September 11 attacks. More news on both of these projects will be forthcoming.

CAPSULE REVIEW: THE SOPRANOS, SEASON SIX

The new season of HBO's The Sopranos has great potential. After a very slow start, and far too much "real-time" hospital recovery for Tony, we're finally getting back on track. Tony's near-death experience promises to make him a changed man. I hope it does. If the show returns to status quo after all of the recent soap-operaesque episodes, I'll wager that fans will be highly disappointed.
One aside: A puzzling aspect of the new season is its humor. It seems that a lot of sequences in the new season that are obviously intended to be serious are coming through as comedic or satirical in nature (e.g., revelations about Paulie's mom), as if the show is beginning to parody itself. I've no idea if this is an intentional device on the writer's behalf or just boredom, but it's there nonetheless and is a bit troubling. I should probably remind myself that it's only a TV show and focus more on reality (such as the next news item).

ITEM: NAOMI TO MEDIA: "YOU CAN HAVE MY PHONE, WHEN YOU CAN PRY IT FROM MY COLD, DEAD FINGERS."

(AP) Funny that a woman who made her fortune appearing without clothes would make a fuss over a missing pair of jeans. But that’s apparently what happened recently when “supermodel” Naomi Campbell was dressing for an appearance on TV’s Oprah. Reports indicate that an enraged Campbell struck her housekeeper with a phone when she was unable to locate the denim jeans. The housekeeper, Ana Scolavino, required four staples to close her wound.

Campbell, a recent graduate of New York’s Institute of Killing Housekeepers With Phones, denied the allegations, stating, “I couldn’t have done it. I failed Phone-Maiming 101 for Christ’s sake.” Campbell believes that the phone attacked Scolavino of its own accord, but she denies that the phone was “possessed.” The fashionable Campbell, sporting a pair of Popsickle sticks and a paperclip, stated, “No, I think it’s just, ya know, the phone was pissed off at her. She’s cleaning the TV, the mirrors, my collection of shaved ferrets, but is she cleaning the phone? No. So I think the phone got jealous and attacked her.”

Violence and Campbell are old pals. In 2003, the “supermodel” was sued by a former administrative assistant who claimed that Campbell had thrown a phone at her during an outburst two years earlier. In August 2004, in the same apartment, Campbell and her maid engaged in a knock-down-drag-out brawl that included oranges and grapefruits, with the worker claiming the “supermodel” had slapped her across the face.

“I have a PhD in kicking ass with a telephone. You don’t wanna mess with me or the only number you’ll be dialing is 911,” the glamour-gal told authorities Monday.

Calls to New York’s Institute of Killing Housekeepers With Phones were not immediately returned. Authorities have yet to determine what qualifies Campbell as a “super” model. Raymond Castille, a spokesperson for the Council of Hyperbole, remains perplexed by the title: “I don’t get it. She can’t fly; she ain’t got super-powers. It just don’t make sense.”

Next: More stuff.